Catholic Ragemonkey

This Blog From a Morning Show Perspective

So, I was loafing the a.m. over a bowl of Wheaties, watching Regis and Kelly. As I watched the show, I noticed how my speech patterns and Regis's were very similar. In essence, I make a point by shouting at the end of the sentence. That would mean that if this blog were a morning show, I would be Regis. But what does that make the other two contributors to this blog?

Clearly, Fr. Hamilton cannot be Kelly. She is too perky and happy with the world. That only means that Fr. Hamilton is the Kathy Lee Gifford of the blog. It really does fit. Without warning, Fr. H is liable, during a phone conversation, to break into song, usually a show tune. Also, I wouldn't put it past him to run a super secret Honduran sweat shop that works night and day to manufacture all those fancy clerical duds he wears. He called it a flood in the basement; I call it a surprise inspection by INS.

That leaves Fr. Garrett who must be the Kelly Ripa of the Blog. This is not an insult. First, given the number of children she has already had, 3 in total, 2 while on the show, she is clearly not contracepting. She and her husband are practicing Catholics. This would fit with his goal to promote Christian families. Also, Father frequently regales us with tales from the Garden State that are loaded with insights useful for the Christian life. Kelly, while not always talking about the kids, does give us enough information to be a credible stalker if we so chose.

The lesson of this post is clear. If you are going to leave town to visit friends elsewhere, make sure you have internet access.