Catholic Ragemonkey

A much needed public service

So, I am looking through my email today and I get this bogus email from Ebay concerning their Halloween costume sale. Now, at the outset, I am here to say that I am not necessarily a big fan of Halloween. I love costume parties; I hate Halloween principally because it takes focus off of All Saints' Day. Yes, I know you can throw a saints' based costume party, but to my mind, that is a thin coating on a whole different problem. But I don't want to argue that point here.

As someone who has enjoyed taken a big bite out of life, and more than my fair share of the snacks in the process, I have never enjoyed the process of costume design and shopping for myself. It's not a lack of creativity; I want to be people thinner than myself. Although I did think that dressing up in a Batman costume a couple sizes too small, letting my gut protrude from under the shirt, and going as "Batman after 40" was inspired. There would certainly be plenty of snacks for me as no one beholding that sight could keep food down.

And that's when it hit me. Someone should come up with a list of fictional and historical figures and correlate them to sex and physical features. Then the picture would come up and give a list of all the things needed for the costume, from "gets the point across" to "break the bank" to "pass for separated at birth."

And back to the saints' day party, I have always wanted to create a St. John the Baptist costume where a fake arm would hold a platter, my actual head would stick through the "chest," and fake shoulders would end in a blunted neck. It's very medieval artwork I know; however, the kids would never forget who St. John the Baptist was.