I have a lovely couple of friends who, for good or ill, are struggling with their weight. I struggle with them because I don't know how to encourage or support them properly. On one level, I do want to be of assistance to them; on the other, I know that they have to come to this realization themselves and I can't substitute my will for theirs. But it saddens and troubles me nonetheless. In terms of concrete action, I think I know what I need to do.
One of my friends, who is a friend of Bill W., once remarked that if someone isn't convinced that they need to stop drinking, they need to continue drinking. I think it's the same here. I can't convince them to change their eating and exercise habits; so they need to keep eating and not doing what is needed. Then eventually that wake up call, probably of a cardiac nature, will have to suffice.
I almost changed my plans for Easter because of this but decided not to. They have to decide what to do with the Easter baskets when they arrive.
UPDATE: Got hit with divine inspiration over the weekend. Came up with a positive solution to the question at hand. We are going to misdirect in the hopes of playing to a potential strength rather than confronting directly a weakness. I'll update as warranted.
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7 comments:
As one who has a serious weight problem, I can offer no solutions. I have been discussing this with some friends. My question is, is this person trying? I am trying, but due to medicines I am on (one is to slow down my heart) it would take surgery (like lap band) for me to lose because I would really need to eat only 400-500 calories a day to lose and I starve with such few calories.
Another observation: I used to drink quite a bit in college and had a taste for liquor. I probably was on the road to alcoholism. I quit cold turkey. You can't really do that with food. I have given up a lot of things that were sinful and my weight has increased some because of giving up those more serious sins.
Just a thought
Both of those observations are valid. I think in this case, it's not so much a question of not trying but more like being stuck or unmotivated. Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
I am a friend of Bill W. also and my wife is currently successful in a program/fellowship for persons with weight problems.
Before she got there I had to find a balance of letting her find her own willingness and at the same time not contributing to her denial. These concepts are the control limits for me in interacting with her. I actually learned this from her when she was in the family support fellowship. I had to avoid nagging and pleading but when I must speak truthfully I don't evade the subject - all with guidance from others and God.
It also helped a lot that I be a good example of admitting my own issues and taking action on them. I frequently got to speak to her about how I could not drink like normal folks so I had to practice lifetime abstinence - with God's help.
She has found a fellowship (and the right people within) that are guiding her to adopt an eating program of a similar type of abstinence - with God's help.
It also helps that we have a religion that teaches abstinence and fasting as a means to go closer to that Power that enables us to change and do so sanely.
Bob S.
Mine was not exceedingly serious (marginally obese), but it was causing me enough pain with a bad back, that it was going to be either the ministry, or food. I think the pain alone may not have been enough motivation. But I couldn't bear the thought of not doing ministry because of it.
I didn't quit food "cold turkey," obviously, but I did lessen my portions and stick to those small portions. It stunk on ice the first couple of weeks, but after that, I was able to get a good handle on food, instead of vice-versa.
About the drinking, I don't know how to handle that. But I do know a good way to loose weight. Encourage them to purchase the gaming system Wii. I have a Wii at home along with the Wii fit and the newly remade game Punch Out. You can use the Wii board for Punch Out (based on the classic Mike Tyson's Punch Out for the original Nintendo). They're fun, exciting and gives you a fully body work out. I've lost 15 pounds already and it's great. Maybe the drinking will be cut down as their energy and weight lose goes up.
Recommend the Wii gaming system. It makes exercise quite fun. The Wii Fit is a good way to loose weight and to have fun at the same time... any anyone can do it. You can even challenge one another. As for cutting down on the drinking, that might come along with the loosing of the weight. But Punch Out for the Wii is a good way to loose weight as well.
I hope I read your comments right. You are spot on with the drinking and eating- keep doing both. Sometime hypnotherapists or the like- tell clients to gain 20 lbs before they begin a 'new' way of eating. Same with smoking- all provided that no extreme medical condition is in play. Why?
It teaches we have reason and will.
As for drinking, I know, when an alky has had enough he has had enough- not a moment sooner or later.
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